Responses from “why men hate to dance and what women want to say to them. www.nwdance.com

Here are some of the responses I received from last week’s blog. Feel free to post your own response.

Comment:
I really want to learn to dance but I must say, it is *very* intimidating for a lead especially if you can’t immerse yourself in it for 16 hours at a time.  The classes are great and I’ll keep on coming.  But I firmly believe that the only way I’ll get good is “in the wild” at actual dances outside the scripted boundaries of a lesson.  The dance community *is* very friendly but I am shy.  I feel very bad asking a woman to dance when I only know a couple steps.  I think it must be entirely boring for the follow.  I yearn to be better but first I feel I must master a certain amount of moves (the vocabulary) before I can strike up an interesting conversation (the dance).  Consider too just the sheer number of different dances that are played at a typical dance.  At the Hustle club there was west coast, east coast, hustle, waltz, (even a salsa!).  Talk about overwhelming! This is my problem, I know.  People are friendly and they know that everyone has to start somewhere.  This doesn’t make it any less terrifying.  Maybe having dances where I knew the women were also beginners or wanted to dance with beginners would be helpful but I’m not sure.  You asked.  Patience I tell myself.  Patience.

Comment:
I agree with much of what D..said regarding the intimidation factor. As someone fairly new to social dancing I often find myself not wanting to ask women to dance if I know they are very accomplished because it feels like you will be disappointing to them if you only know a few basic steps. Of course this can be overcome by taking classes and practice but that takes some dedication. I also think that in some circles a negative stereotype has existed that men who really like to dance are usually gay which has also led to many men to shy away from dance. Most of us who enjoy dancing probably think this is ridiculous(I know I do), but its an obstacle none the less. Personally I can’t think of anything more masculine than leading a woman out on the dancefloor so hopefully this stereotype will fade away now that the TV shows depict macho star athletes like Emmitt Smith and Jerry Rice dancing. I think more guys should learn to dance for all the reasons Tom listed and when they do I think most men will find it as fun and exhilarating as we do.

Comment:
It’s a pleasure to watch a man dance.  He displays who he is via his body language.  He unwraps his vulnerabilities, gifts his humor, and has the opportunity to reach out meaningfully while being a respectful protector.  I’d call it the most courageous way to connect without ever saying a word.

Comment:
Probably an ‘ego’ thing.  That old ‘rejection’ thing. Beginners feel that everyone is looking at them, and they’re self conscious.
My response is, not everyone is watching them??? People don’t mind watching new dancers. Everyone started as a beginner.

It took me months of dancing before I realized that I was not the center of attention, and now I wish I’d known that earlier.  People tend to watch the good ones, and beginners are largely invisible. Beginner men should know that single women show up at the dance because they simply want to dance.  They really don’t care how good their partner is, they just want to be out on the dancefloor dancing to the music they love so much.  Guys, just remember, if the lady is laughing, she is laughing WITH you and having a good time.

Why men hate to dance and what women want to say to them

  www.nwdance.com     www.seattlehustleclub.com

So why to men hate to dance??

When I started dancing in the Fall/Winter of 1993 I did it for the specific purpose of making new friends and getting back into shape after my liver transplant. My sister in law suggested that I check out the Riverside Inn in Tukwila where they were doing country dancing. I started going and got hooked on it. I was dancing sometimes 6 nights a week.

Then I was hired at a Ballroom studio and through the course of my time there dancing did so much to change me and give me confidence and a renewed purpose.

The best thing it did for me was to get me back in shape. After spending 10 years slowly dying and spending almost 2 years in bed unable to hardly walk before having my transplant on April 19, 1991, I was very weak and needed to rebuild my muscles. Dancing did that for me.

It also took several inches off my waste in just a few weeks. Because of the huge incision and the muscles that were cut, it took a long time to get everything tight again. {how I wish I had those days back}. Dancing did that for me.

Back then I knew tons and tons of men who were dancing. It was “the thing to do.” If you wanted to be cool, you danced. If you wanted confidence, you learned to dance. No one that I knew considered it a weakness or stupid. We thought it was really fun and we’d drive long distances and dance until late at night and then drive home.

We’d go to dance events and get totally burned out on dancing. We’d take as many as 16 hours of classes over the course of a weekend, plus all the social dancing. We hurt like crazy afterwards and could hardly walk but it was sooo much fun.

The night before New Year’s Eve this year, [Dec. 30, 2006], several of us went to The Puyallup Eagles and danced. The average age was probably 60-90. And EVERYONE knew how to dance. They ALL knew how to Foxtrot, Tango, Swing, Walts and Polka. What a blast. But I also saw what a difference a generation has made.

Dancing has been taken out of schools and with the introduction of freestyle dancing the art of socializing and having to learn how to dance has all but disappeared.

But  many people are getting back into dancing or starting for the first time. Thanks to all of the “dance shows” on TV which have had a major impact on people.

But there still seems to be one major problem which has been getting worse and worse not only in my dance circles and classes but also in almost every instructor I know, and that is MEN DON’T COME OUT AND DANCE..

Almost every class is short on men [leads]. Sometimes I’ve been short as many as 7-10 leads. This trend seems to be getting worse and I’m not sure what the cause of it is.

SO……I’d really like to hear from you. I’d like to hear from the men the reasons they don’t want to learn to dance and I’d especially like to hear from the ladies as to what you want to say to the men to encourage them to start dancing.

It goes beyond the exercise and the main reason why men learn to dance, “to meet women”…of course that would never apply to women wanting to meet men right???

So post a response and let me know what you think. If you have trouble posting it here just email your response to me at tom.clifton@comcast.net and I’ll post it next week either here or in my weekly update.

Somehow we need to encourage men to start dancing. I’ve included some links to some dance articles that I hope you’ll take the time to read.

Men…if you’re looking for a safe environment to learn to dance get in touch with me. Call me at 253-737-4224 or email tom.clifton@comcast.net.

To get started check out www.nwdance.com for a full list of classes and also try The Seattle Hustle Club at www.seattlehustleclub.com.

BE A MAN, LEARN TO DANCE..

                                                       Tom Clifton

C:\Documents and Settings\Tom Clifton\Local Settings\Temporary Internet Files\Content.IE5\IZHIIDU6\dancing, heart health – Google Search.htm

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Update on Gary Pederson

Well I spoke with Gary today [Sunday Dec. 3rd] and I was happily suprised at how strong his voice was. I couldn’t tell by his voice that anything had happened.

He’s been walking each day and I think he said he walked for a few blocks the other day. He tires easily and it’s stressful for him but he’s taking it a day at a time.

I’ll see him on Wednesday when I take him to Tacoma General for blood tests. It will be a few months before he’s out dancing for sure but he’s on his way to recovery. He’s out of the hospital and he’s up for phone calls and I’m sure he’d love to hear from you.

 He’s not up for visitors yet but I’ll let you know when that time is. He says hello to all of you and hopes to see you in the near future. He may not be out dancing until the end of January maybe. He’ll see how it goes.

They did a bypass AND a valve replacement. Pretty serious stuff. If you’d like to call and harass him he can be reached at 253-670-3716.

                                                                See you all soon

                                                                  Tom

www.nwdance.com

Nightmare on the freeway. Nov. 27, 2006

Greetings everyone and welcome to my first blog. I’m sure many of you faced the same nightmare that I did last night in the snow & ice, but here it is from my view. 

If I had only listened…It would have saved me a 6 hour nightmare on glare ice and heavy snow as I made my way from my home along the Green River in Auburn, WA first to Kirkland where I was scheduled to teach my Monday night dance classes [see www.nwdance.com], I was one exit from Kirkland when they called me to tell me they were cancelling the classes. In the meantime, the snow began falling along with the temperatures and what started out as a routine drive suddenly became a fight to stay on the road and not get stranded & at times feeling like “will I make it home safe”.

 I tried exiting the 405 to turn around but the exit toward home was glare ice and too steep to navigate. So I wandered through the Kirkland area trying to make my way to the freeway. I ended upcrossing over  520 to Seattle. Whew!!! I was safe and the roads were clear. No ice and I’m a happy camper right???

When I hit South Seattle it turned into the worst nightmare of driving that I’ve ever experienced. Glare ice, heavy snow falling, cars jamming the freeway, The Seahawks game traffic, cars, trucks, busses, people everywhere in the ditch, littering the freeway.

Double busses sitting sideways across several lanes of I-5 at the Kent Demoines exit. Cars and busses blocking the exits, gas gauge getting lower, [did I mention I had to pee]….good thing I still had that coffee cup. No clear lanes existed anymore. It was strictly survival driving. Watching people sit along side of you for an hour and wondering if they would make it home. Car, trucks, busses, everywhere in the road and along side the road. And man was it cold.

This nail biting, nerve wracking, super stress filled drive took me 6 hours. Every so often I’m calling my friend Doug Parker to advise him on my progress and hoping he didn’t have to come and rescue me. Thanks so much Doug. What a tremendous blessing.

I’d go from moving a few feet to sitting for half an hour, sit and wait, sit and pray, pray and wait, looking at the gas gauge thinking if I have to ditch the car where will I go??? No food, or clothing for walking and feeling sorry hundreds of people stranded along side the road with no hope of rescue for hours and hours and hours. Even rescue vehicles could hardly get through.

Finally I managed to make it to the Federal Way exit after an incredibly perilous drive and made my way to a hotel and Dennys. By the time I settled into the hotel I was shaking like a leaf. After 6 hours of non stop nerve wracking stress my body was on overload.

I hardly slept at all  and Doug followed me home this morning along the Green Valley Rd which was sanded by now and I made it home safe and sound.

So to relieve the stress I tied up some fishing lures and headed down to the river and managed to catch a nice Chum Salmon. Now I’m sitting here watching the moon come up over the river and life is good. Of course I’m stranded as are most of you but at least I’m safe and Thank Jesus for that.

For class information see www.nwdance.com and for cancellations due to snow call me 253-737-4224 or email tom.clifton@comcast.net.

Stay warm and safe and stay home.

                                                                        Tom